The Muppets Wizard of Oz, A review

The Muppets Wizard of Oz, A review

‘Lets watch the Muppets Wizard of Oz.’ Said my friend and flatmate Chutterbug Harris, he was determined to spend the night in. Playing guitar low in the mix of a theme tune for an obscure podcast did not pay well. ‘Never heard of it’ I said, confident that there was a Treasure Island, A Christmas Carol and an Apocalypse Now in the works but not an Oz. Chutterbug lent forward from his broken armchair ‘Psst,’ he whispered in that way that’s twice as loud as normal speech. ‘It’s kept on the DL so film students bragging how they know ev'ryting Tarantino did are wrong. That, or because a black girl is the lead.’ ’What about the Wiz?’ I exclaimed. ‘What about it?’ He snapped his head back and let out a hoarse laugh that made his guitar twang.

This was to be the first of many nights in. He swaggered back into the living room with the DVD in one hand and what was left of the Christmas brandy in the other. It wasn't much of a living room, four walls slowly filling up with old bottles, leftover food and Jazz records. ‘You've heard that Dark Side of the Moon syncs up with the original right? Well this syncs up perfectly with alcohol’ He casually explains while measuring shots, why he did this every time was beyond me as he then proceeded to pour a generous half of the drink into a noodle pot and shove it in my direction. I wiped the chickens blood off the television (we’d been practising magic the day before), popped the DVD in, got comfy on an old fruit crate and he hit play.

‘Optimus Prime and Eeyore use the same lungs.’ said Chutterbug as he pumped up the jams. I am always amazed at no matter how poor a musician gets they’ll always have speakers that can make your nosebleed. ‘This can’t be the right movie’ I said concerned. ‘You’ve mixed the DVD up with a 90’s music video again.’ ‘No I ent, look Queen Latifah’s in this mo fucker!’ Chutterbugs way with words always outstands me.

‘What the fraggle rock is going on here?’ The Muppets were just referred to as the most POWERFUL puppets in Hollywood, the first joke from them was a porn one followed by a sex one, was that a Napster reference? My confusion only escalates in the following scenes. Toto’s a prawn? Dorothy want to be famous? TV looking sets? I down some brandy and press on. The alcohol warms me up and provides a pleasant distraction from the ropey special effects. ‘Quit gagging you pussy, we’re in Oz’ Chutterbug gleams. And my how we are, sort of.

The original Wizard of Oz is such a major part of our collective unconscious that we recognise parody and/or pastiche a mile off.  It feels like a cover song whenever different hands visit it. Clap your hands you know the beat. This can function as a blessing or a crutch to limp a lazy screenplay on. ‘Ashanti is trying to upstage the Muppets! Ha! What a fool’ my friend chuckles between glugs. ‘Yeah fuck going home Ashanti seek fame and fortune. A scarecrow frog wants a brain, y’know why? To help people! You better learn a valuable lesson by the time this films through.’

Gonzo is a robot with a telly tubby belly and a dark origin story. He asked the witch for time off work to spend with his love and she cursed him, turning him into a robot slave with no heart. ‘We’re watching a film where Gonzo has the most depth and motivation. Mr Harris I am amazed.’ ‘Please,’ he says coolly ‘Mr Harris is my dad.’ Twenty minutes into the film and I wonder if the producers ever thought that giving Pepe the prawn this much screen time was a good idea. I ponder on the location of Waldorf and Statler when where an ad break would have been the screen goes black. I catch a glimpse of me and Harris hunched over, barking madness at the TV and get my answer.

‘I got the name Chutterbug from Dr. Teeth during WWII.’ my friend began ‘We were surrounded by radioactive waste when-Holy shit dog they are trippin’ on poppies in a kids movie!’ I never got to hear the end of that tale and I have the Poppyfields scene in this film to blame for it. The rest of which becomes somewhat hazy:

‘Oh cool, Oz is a dragon…Oh it’s cgi’

‘Frank Oz reference, boo ya!’

‘A horribly animated woman. You can probably buy her nude on Turbosquid for a dollar’

‘Tarantino thinks pigs ‘ave hooves not trotters!’

‘Boss Nass is in this movie!’

‘Fozzie Bear, looks more like Jeffry Tambor in this than he does.’

‘he isn’t the Muppets Frasier, that’s Rowlf the dog.’

‘I FUCKING LOVE THE MUPPETS!!’

‘…Oooh Ms Piggy in leathers.’

We warm up the leftover chicken and I start to sober up. An Apocalypse Now reference appears which is strange as I thought about it earlier, but then there was also a Napster reference and I hadn’t thought about that. Then, in the mist of the Wicked Witch of the West fight it cuts to Quentin Tarantino swinging a samurai sword, intensely pitching the scene to a terrified Kermit. I am not making this up:

I look dumbfounded at Chutterbug who simply nods that slow, knowing nod only jazz musicians can pull off.

So the Wizard of Oz’s room was all cgi, now when they return it’s just a wooden set and Kermit says ‘It’s not even green.’ A clever line for the movie fans or just because everything else in the emerald city is green? No one knows, perhaps the budget ran out. What was that line about it skipping two hours? Was this show broadcast over an evening inbetween something that takes up two hours? How long is a Superbowl? Chutterbug says I ask too many questions when I drink. Least I assume that’s what he was trying to say when he swung the empty brandy bottle into my mouth screaming ‘Do you think I have the answers?’ again and again. That’s just banter these days I suppose. While I'm picking glass from my face the film comes to a head, and everyone learned something. We learnt what we wanted is what we had all along, except for Dorothy who has changed her mind and wants to go home instead. Gonzo gets a chicken and Pepe continues taking up screen time, just as I'm doubting his presence he manages to make me chuckle. Perhaps the reason no one seems to be aware of this film has nothing to do with my friends opinions but because it simply isn't as good as the other Muppet films. But pfft, it still has the Muppets in it. An opinion I keep trying to ram into my brain as the film bookmarks itself with more 90’s r ’n’ b. We throw what’s left of our brandies into the fire.

The day after I pick a melted DVD from the bottom of it. As the fear sets in I wonder if we’d just been staring into the flames all night. Chutterbug met the rest of the Ragtime Dollarseekers with singed eyebrows. Skits McCoy tells me he just looked at them and said ‘When you're done laughing yo asses off I got a guitar to play.’

Carl